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Reviews(Theodore Roosevelt)

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Theodore Roosevelt by: Bronson ElliottTheodore Roosevelt was born October 27, 1858 to a giant six legged killing machine robot. Alright well no that’s impossible, but he may as well have been raised by a pack of wolves and a case of brew house because this badass motherfucker kicks ass and takes names.Besides being one of the coolest mother fuckers that Lord Jesus himself has bestowed upon us, he was also the 26th president of the United States of America, Which in America is kind of a high status. Roosevelt was born into a wealthy family, but he suffered from a serious case of asthma, so he stayed at home in his huge ass mansion all day studying natural history. His parents didn’t want him to do anything physical, but Theodore Roosevelt doesn’t take shit from anybody so he left home and became a boxer In Harvard University. After his boxing stint in Harvard he decided to join the police force in New York City, “New York New York!” Pretty good for a kid who can’t run longer than 13 seconds without having serious repercussions, badass? You’re fucking rights it badass.So I guess you assume this is where he becomes the president and lives out the rest of his boring life in solitude, well if you thought that your mistaken bitch. Theodore was then given the position of leading the U.S Navy around the time the Spanish War broke out. He didn’t sit in an office all day answering phone calls and giving orders to some pussies sailing on a boat, no fuck that. Theodore wheel-barreled his huge ass balls on the boat himself, and led a war regiment into Cuba. This earned him a medal of honor. So now Theodore has a medal around his neck, his huge ass balls in one hand, and a victory in the other. He then returned to New York where he became Governor and then he was elected for Vice President of The United States of America in 1899.Roosevelt was vice president until 1901, when William McKinley was assassinated. Probably by Theodore, but nobody can prove it because that crazy mother fucker did it in 1901, where people didn’t know fuck all and the milk came in bags.Theodore’s first act of presidency was to make sure milk no longer came in bags, but instead glass jars, Isn’t he one smart mother fucking bad ass.10 jars of milk out of 10.