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Reviews(Simo Hayha)

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Review of Simo Hayha By: Bronson Elliott I know what you’re thinking, “Who the Fuck is Simo hayha, and why would I want to read a review about him?” The answer to that question is he may be the world’s greatest war hero of all time, and you better respect his wise ass by reading his review. Let’s start with a little biography; Simo was a nice guy who lived in Finland with his loving family until he was taken by the Finland army for his one year mandatory service, and after that he became a humble farmer. But then the Soviet Union decided they didn’t have enough landmass, they also wanted Finland, but little did they know Finland had Simo Hayha. Outraged by this act of violence towards his country Simo decided to fight for his country. Simo knew the land well, and after hours upon hours of careful planning he decided his best bet against the Russian army was to hide in a tree all day shooting Russians. Did we mention in Finland it isn’t uncommon to have six feet of snow beneath your feet? Alright so Simo wore a scary ass camouflage outfit, composed totally the color white, which may be why the Russians nicknamed him “The White Death”. This scared the living shit out of them, so some dumbass in charge mounted a whole mission in Finland, just to kill Simo Hayha.The Plan went as followed. Plan A - Send a task force to locate Simo Hayha and take him out. The plan failed due to Simo’s crazy ass killing the entire force. Plan B – Send a team of counter snipers to kill Hayha. The plan failed due to Simo’s crazy ass killing the entire team. Simo’s kill count now reached 542 people with his rifle and 200 with his SMG, I don’t know about you, but that’s a shitload of children asking “Where’s Daddy Mommy?” Now everyone the Russian had recruited were way to shit-pants to go anywhere near Finland, they decided to carpet-bomb every area he might be. The Russians eventually got the location right and they tore up his coat, he never died of course. But finally on March 6th, 1940, some retarded Russian got a lucky shot, and picked Simo right in the head with an exploding bullet. When another Finland recruit spotted him they brought him back to base. Finally the Legend of Simo Hayha is over. But of course you can’t expect someone who survived a carpet bombing to die by just “one” exploding bullet to the head; he regained consciousness on March 13, the same day the war ended.10 dead russians out of 10